Biblical Blunders

Here is a collection of some of my most favorite quotes from the Bible. I will continue to add to this list as more strike me as particularly odd/funny/disturbing. Feel free to make suggestions!

Old Testament Beauties:

And if a man beats his male or female servant with a rod, so that he dies under his hand, he shall surely be punished. Notwithstanding, if he remains alive a day or two, he shall not be punished; for he is his property.” Exodus 21:20-21. (i.e. When you beat your slave, be sure not to kill it.)

“For everyone who curses his father  or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.” Leviticus 20:9

“Moreover you may buy the children of the strangers who dwell among you, and their families who are with you, which they beget in your land; and they shall become your property.” Leviticus 25:45

“Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.” 2 Kings 2:23-24 (Mauled by bears as a consequence of calling someone “bald-head”??)

“Everyone who is found will be thrust through, And everyone who is captured will fall by the sword. Their children also will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; Their houses will be plundered And their wives ravished.” Isaiah 13:15-16

“Give them, O Lord— What will You give? Give them a miscarrying womb And dry breasts!” Hosea 9:14

“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” Ezekiel 23:20

New Testament Wonders:

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” Matthew 10:34

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.” Mark 9:42

“And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.” Luke 12:47

“I came to send fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!” Luke 12:49 (The words of the the all-loving, Jesus)

“Then immediately an angel of the Lord struck him, because he did not give glory to God. And he was eaten by worms and died.” Acts 12:23

 “Then Paul said to him, “God will strike you, you whitewashed wall! For you sit to judge me according to the law, and do you command me to be struck contrary to the law?” Acts 23:3 (“Whitewashed wall?! Man, these biblical insults are a hoot!)

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9 comments

  1. Whenever you quote “For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.” Leviticus 20:9, it is always fun to add this beauty to show the contradiction. “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:26.

    1. Uni, I think you dont know what is the meaning of cursing, Jesus did not say that you should/must curse your father and mother, and wife and children. BUT HATE, this only means that The First Priority must be Jesus in the life of Disciple of Jesus. Thats it!

  2. THERE ARE ATCUALLY NOT ANY SINGLE BLUNDER IN THE WORD OF GOD THE HOLY BIBLE. ONLY PEOPLE MISUNDERSTOOD AND CALLED IT BLUNDERS…

  3. Common sense you say? Then refer to this:

    “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
    Matthew 7:6

    The Word of God is read and given meaning through the Holy Spirit and its context. Reading the Verses by itself makes it no sense. Try reading and meditating on the whole Bible. Read it as if it is alive and let’s see if it does not change you.

  4. I have often wondered whether people really read the sacred book from genesis onwards, because if they surely did and evaluated it, i can bet the whole world would turn atheist in seconds. I was inducted into christianity when i was a child which was a good thing and became a staunch christian, but the more i studied the bible the more i understood it and the less commited i became. I found too many contradictions which put me off. I tried the koran, there it was worse with commandments to kill the infidels. I tried the bahai faith it was mayheim. In the end i started studying origins of religions which confirmed my doubts that after all religions are manmade and a worst of time. Surfice to say with no answer to why we are here, it will take millenia for the majority of man kind to discover that there is no God to save him but himself.

  5. where is the GOD in Bible. did ur god said to change other religions to christ way…, did ur god said to collect funds behalf of him… did ur god said to pray in a mass meeting…, who’s ur GOD Jesus?? Yahova?? Mother MAry??? u dont have the clarity and ur spreading ur Bomb…in the bible of Old Testament it was written that “iam not the GOD and no god will come after me”…then how come u make Jesus as ur God.

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